No Officer or family should suffer alone; whether it’s a loss, physical injury or mental health trauma.

I am a police officer in Baltimore City. Officer Keona Holley and I began our journey together. We had it all panned out. We passed the test the same day, got hired the same day, started pre-academy employment on the same day, assigned to the same unit while in pre hire status, we were in the same Academy class, we graduated together, and despite working in other districts we did work over time together and spoke on the phone during our shifts asking questions, talking about our days just as partners do. We had goals, we both wanted to go into the crisis intervention team, having a passion for mental health and community.

Then it happened. On a cold December morning while I was off and she was working overtime on the Adam shift, I got the call.. “Meg, she was shot in the head.” after that call my phone was blowing up “Meg, Holley was shot are you ok?” I threw on my uniform and raced to shock trauma. It was bad. I was being prepared for the worst. I learned she was ambushed. Which made me so angry. Why would anyone do that?

I was able to see her that night. I talked to her, rubbed her arm and told her I loved her and even though I don’t want her to leave I understand if she can’t stay and gave her permission to go. I talked to her for a long time and a single tear came out. That turned into sobs that led a very kind nurse hugging me right. There I was a police officer in fulll uniform Standing next to my sister who was on life support. I’m supposed to be stoic, strong for everyone. I should be optimistic and know she’s a fighter. Yet, there I was as vulnerable as ever.

I was at that hospital every day waiting for her to wake up. Spending time with her kids, hanging on to the hope of a Christmas Miracle.

And then just before Christmas on December 23… I got the call I never expected. “Meg, Kee’s gone” I broke down instantly and was not ok. I was a mess. She was my first partner, we called each-other partners for life, my best friend, my family. We were known as salt and pepper. We laid her to rest on January 11 of this year. I was honored to be detailed to her family. I was one of few who escorted the family into and out of the service, standing by should a family member need a break.

I remained fairly stoic but allowed the tears to flow despite being in uniform. Once at the cemetery I was advised I’m family and left the ranks of being an escort. I was escorted through the wall of blue as we went to her burial site. The last call was so hard to hear. K452 was gone forever and K451 (myself) lost my family and my partner. Then the helicopter fly over. Once I saw BPD’s Foxtrot over head I couldn’t remain stoic any longer. I collapsed in grief allowing other officers to hold me up and cry on their shoulders. This has changed me. My mental health took a tumble and I got help. Im in therapy now and it’s helping so much.

I’m back on the streets but it’s not the same. Shes not there. I wait for the phone to ring, the texts, the video chats. They never come. I have become lot more protective of my fellow brothers and sisters. I feel even more empassioned with the work we do. The lives we save, the lives we change. By protecting and serving the very community that she loved so much.

I want to do something special to honor her. I want to continue to heal. I want to help others that go through a horrific tragedy know that no it’s not easy. It’s not supposed to be. To realize there are others that walked a similar path and there is help to be had whether it’s a loss of a love one, life changing injury, and life changing mental health trauma. I want officers to know that there is help for them too. Team blue line does it all. That’s why I race. For the betterment of the entire law enforcement family.

Join me in supporting real change. Let’s support good in the world and make a difference. Help us for Team BlueLine Inc

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